Babysitting the Player Killer
by Drgon Princess
Summary: Tsukasa and friends can't get a job, but now they're stuck babysitting the world's most evil 10-yr-old PK! Completed
1. Can't Get a Job

Babysitting The Player Killer

By Dragon Princess

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I'm back with my second attempt at a .hack//SIGN fic. Yay. I got this idea while watching the Disney Channel the other day, because there was nothing else on TV. Well, the show sucked, but at least I got an idea! I still don't own anything. BTW, this story takes place offline. 

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1. Can't Get a Job

            "Babysitting?" asked Mimiru. "Isn't that more for 12-year-olds who can't get a job?"

            "We obviously aren't 12," said Tsukasa. 

            "But we do have trouble finding work," replied Subaru.

            "Hey, we found work at McDonalds!" said Mimiru. When her two friends glared at her, she added, "although we did get fired the first day…"

*flashback*

            Fire trucks pulled up to the McDonalds. Screaming customers ran outside. Tsukasa, Subaru, and Mimiru hid, very ashamed, by a flaming oven. 

            "I'm very sorry," said Subaru. "I thought that putting all the food in the oven would make it cook faster."

            "And maybe I shouldn't have turned the oven on to the highest setting," said Tsukasa. 

            "Looking back, the stick of dynamite might not have been the best thing to throw in the oven," said Mimiru. Their boss came out of the fiery ruins of his office. 

            "It was a mistake to ever let you girls work here!" he yelled. "YOU'RE FIRED!"

*flash forward*

            "We were fired during the first HOUR," said Tsukasa.

            "Hey, McDonalds didn't go _that_ badly," said Mimiru.

            "Only when you compare it with our jobs as child safety lecturers," muttered Subaru. 

*flashback*

            Subaru, Tsukasa, and about 20 little kids sat by the side of the road, on a busy highway. The kids looked very bored as Tsukasa told them how to cross the street.

            "Okay, you look both ways, then hold hands and cross the road," said Tsukasa. "Like this." Tsukasa got up, looked both ways, then held Subaru's hand. They stared into each other's eyes, in a moment of Tsukasa/Subaru pairing bliss. Until…

            "No! Tsukasa is mine!" yelled Mimiru, grabbing Tsukasa's other hand. 

            "Mine!" yelled Subaru, and pulled Tsukasa toward her.

            "Mine!" yelled Mimiru, and pulled back. The little kids watched them play a bizarre version of Tug-of-War with Tsukasa as the rope, then they all crossed the stupid road anyway. Every last kid became roadkill, because they didn't look both ways. 

*flash forward*

            "You're right, that one was worse," said Mimiru. "But if you didn't keep trying to steal my Tsukasa-sama away from me…"

            "YOUR Tsukasa-sama? I beg to differ!" said Subaru.

            "Oh yeah?" challenged Mimiru. 

            "HEY!" cut in Tsukasa. "Please don't fight! Anyway, I think our worst job was when we tried being criminals…"

*flashback*

            "Okay, here's the plan," said Mimiru. "Subaru, you go distract the bank teller. I'll take the money. Tsukasa, you can drive the getaway car."

            "How come I have to drive?" asked Tsukasa. 

            "Why?" asked Mimiru.

            "Never mind," Tsukasa said quickly.

            To make a long flashback short, it almost worked out (key word: almost). Subaru talked to the bank teller and distracted him while Mimiru grabbed the money. Actually, she grabbed a stack of mock-money business cards, which is why nobody tried to stop her. Anyway, Tsukasa was waiting in the getaway car, ready to drive away. Mimiru and Subaru got in, and they left. 

            "Uh, guys?" said Tsukasa. 

            "What?" replied Mimiru.

            "I don't know how to drive."

**_CRASH!_**

*flash forward*

            "All this flashing back and forward makes me dizzy," complained Mimiru. "I hope that's the last one." 

            "It's lucky we weren't hurt in the accident," said Tsukasa. "What if we get hurt while babysitting?"

            "It's simply not possible to get hurt while babysitting," said Subaru. "Now, let's go." And they left to go babysitting.

            Bored, bored, bored. Sora was really bored. Why did his stupid parents ground him from The World? Get expelled from school four times, and a kid was branded for life (actually, more like a week). Grounded was so boring. 

            Dropping Mom's jewelry into the garbage disposal made a week without killing more bearable. It was hard to be a Player Killer and only 10 years old. Maybe someone would stick their hand into the garbage disposal, to get the jewelry out. Then Sora would turn the garbage disposal on. Yay, violence! Torturing the babysitter would be fun, too. Maybe he could convince the babysitter to let him play The World. 

            "We're going out, son!" yelled his dad.

            "Do be kind to the babysitter," said his mom. "We don't want the police coming here again. By the way, have you seen my jewelry?"

            Tsukasa, Mimiru, and Subaru had arrived at their new babysitting job. Subaru rang the doorbell, and the three were almost immediately greeted by Sora's parents. 

            "Now, kids," said the mom, "you have to look after my little baby!" He's only 10, he can't fend for himself in the big wide world?"

            "But…" started Tsukasa.

            "Don't worry, your pay is very good," said the mom. "But there's a few important things you need to know…" The three main characters leaned closer. "DON'T LET HIM PLAY 'THE WORLD'!" Sora's mom yelled at full blast, sending Subaru, Tsukasa, and Mimiru flying backwards. "MAKE SURE HE EATS HIS VEGETABLES! NO FRIENDS OVER! BEDTIME AT 8:30! If you don't do it right, YOU DON'T GET PAID!" The parents waved goodbye, and left the three standing on their porch. 

            "This is a huge house," said Tsukasa.

            "They're RICH!" said Mimiru. "That means, if we don't screw up, we'll get paid a lot!"

            "_If_ we don't screw up," reminded Subaru. The other two sat in silence, thinking of McDonalds and child safety and the life of crime. There was a very good chance that they _would_ screw up.

Sora came out of his house, since he had already dropped all of his mom's jewelry down the garbage disposal. And he couldn't even convince his parents to stick their hands in. He looked at the babysitters, then thought to himself, _Three of them? This blows. But they look so… familiar… Never mind, they have no idea what's coming to them!_

To be continued…


	2. No Playing 'The World'

Babysitting The Player Killer

By Dragon Princess

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Wow, thank you for the reviews! I'm glad to hear that this fic is okay. On a completely unrelated note, I beat part one of the game today! Yay, me! I'm usually bad at video games… Here's Chapter 2. Keep those reviews coming (please!) 

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2. No Playing 'The World'!

            "Hello," said Subaru to the kid. "Pleased to meet you."

            "Hiya!" said Mimiru. 

            "Um, hi," said Tsukasa. 

            "It's such a pleasure to have you babysit me," said Sora in an obviously fake happy voice. Naturally, Mimiru fell for it. 

            "Really?" said Mimiru. "That's so COOL! You're such a nice person!"

            "I always wanted to be babysat and not play 'The World' and eat disgusting vegetables and be isolated from my friends!" Sora said, still sounding happy and even smiling. _I hope my face doesn't freeze like this_, thought Sora.

            "Is that sarcasm?" asked Subaru. "I really can't tell."

            "Subaru!" said Mimiru angrily. "Don't be such a meanie!" 

"Yeah, Subaru!" said Sora. "Don't be a meanie!" _Subaru?_ thought Sora. _She's named after a car? Wait, that's also the name of that girl from 'The World'. Weird. _

            "Is it just me, or is something wrong here?" asked Tsukasa. Nobody paid any attention. 

            "Anyway, I'm so glad that you're babysitting me!" said Sora. "I bought you a gift!"

            "Thank you!" said Subaru. 

            "Not for you!" said Sora. "For the pretty girl!" Subaru gasped. Mimiru looked overjoyed. Sora still looked fake-happy. Tsukasa—well, nobody cared what was going on with Tsukasa, except for maybe Subaru and Mimiru. 

            "See?" said Mimiru. "Even little kids know I'm better!" 

            "Aw, Subie, it's okay," said Tsukasa. "You're pretty to me!"

            "You mean it?" Subaru asked. 

            "I mean it," said Tsukasa. They hugged. 

            "Oh no you don't!" yelled Mimiru. "Just because you were rejected doesn't mean you have to steal my boyfriend… wait, I mean girlfriend… no, I mean 'significant other'!"

            "I'm not stealing I'm not stealing _your_ 'significant other'," yelled Subaru. "I'm hugging _my_ significant other!" 

            "No way!" yelled Subaru.

            "Yes way!" yelled Mimiru. Tsukasa sighed. This was just like the child safety job, but nobody else seemed to notice. Hopefully, the kid wouldn't get killed like all of those kids before. _Note to self,_ Tsukasa thought. _Stay away from busy highways._

            "What about ME?" whined Sora. "I wanna give her my gift!" Mimiru spun around. 

            "I don't want to waste my time on you!" Mimiru yelled at Subaru. "I'm going to get a present from my new friend! Because friends don't try to steal their friends' 'significant others'!" 

            "I dropped your gift down the garbage disposal," said Sora. "Could you put your hand in there and get it for me? I can't reach it." 

            "Sure!" said Mimiru, and prepared to stick her hand into the garbage disposal. Suddenly, a little angel appeared on Subaru's shoulder. 

            "You have to save your friend!" the angel said. "She's rather dumb, but she's your friend anyway!" A devil Subaru appeared on Subaru's other shoulder. 

            "Don't bother," said the devil. "She tried to steal your significant other!"

            "What?" said the angel. "Do the right thing, save your friend! If you do what I say, I'll get promoted to Conscience, so you have to stop that kid!"

            "Subaru," said the devil, "when Mimiru's gone, Tsukasa will be all yours! Oh, and angel Subaru, that robe makes you look fat!"

            "Why, I never!" said the angel. "Devil Subaru, that was un-called for! I'm leaving!" Poof. Angel Subaru was gone.

            "Well, I'm outta here," said devil Subaru. "Remember, darkness is your friend!" Devil Subaru poofed away. Regular Subaru sighed. This was so dumb!

            Fortunately, before Sora could turn on the garbage disposal, Mimiru tripped over Tsukasa and fell backwards. Saving Mimiru was a good job on Tsukasa's part, because the Fanfic Cleanup Crew would have had to mop up all of the blood, and the gore would violate the Sacred PG Rating. Mimiru looked very shocked that the kid had tried to kill her. 

            "Betrayed!" she whined. "I feel so unloved! Like nobody in the whole world cares!" She went on like this for quite a while, but I'm sure you can guess what that was like. 

            "Hey, don't try to kill her!" said Subaru. "It's not nice!" 

            "She's right!" said Tsukasa, and stepped forward. He didn't notice that he was standing in the middle of a big circle of rope. In fact, all three babysitters were standing in the middle of a big circle of rope. 

            "And this isn't nice either!" said Sora, and pulled a cord. The circle of rope tightened around Tsukasa, Mimiru, and Subaru, then pulled them all up to the ceiling by one leg. 

            "Rope snares in the kitchen?!" said Subaru. 

            "Betrayed…" murmured Mimiru.

            "Cool!" said Tsukasa.

            "Exactly how is this cool?!" yelled Mimiru.

            "I can see up Subaru's skirt!" replied Tsukasa. Before both girls could slap Tsukasa, Sora cut in. 

            "You guys are all gonna die!" he said. "I can finally be mean now! No more happiness! All the blood is going to your brains! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm going to play 'The World' now. Bye!" Sora ran upstairs to play 'The World' as Subaru, Mimiru, and Tsukasa all swore at him. 

            "Do you think he'll let us down?" asked Mimiru when Sora was gone. 

            "No," said Tsukasa. "He did want to kill us, remember?" 

            "He sure knows a lot of creative ways to hurt people," said Mimiru. 

            "To think that I once said you couldn't get hurt while babysitting," said Subaru. "And here I am, hanging by one leg from the ceiling."

            "That's right," said Mimiru. "It's your fault we got into this mess! You betrayed me, too!"

            "Did not!"

            "Did too!"

            "Did not!" Tsukasa looked around. Although all of the blood was going to his head, he noticed something very, very odd…

            "The only reason I hang out with you is so I can look better by comparison!" yelled Subaru. They were now fighting about why their friendship was meaningless.

            "Well, the only reason I hang out with you is so I can park in the handicapped spot!" yelled Mimiru.

            "That was low! Take it back!" yelled Subaru. 

            "Make me!" yelled Mimiru. Suddenly, Tsukasa started to laugh hysterically. 

            "What's wrong, Tsukasa-sama?" asked Subaru. Tsukasa pointed at the refrigerator. There were some very violent drawings taped to the refrigerator door. 

            "Eeeew, yuck!" said Mimiru. "What kind of kid would draw _that_?" Subaru looked at the drawings and also started to laugh hysterically. "WHAT'S GOING ON?" Mimiru yelled. "TSUKASA, TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!" 

            "Look at the signature," said Tsukasa between laughs.

            "SORA?" read Mimiru, and also began to laugh. "He's _10_?" They all laughed for a while, then were silent. 

            "We're babysitting a dangerous killer," said Subaru. "We need to be prepared for the worst."

            "We have a more urgent problem!" said Mimiru. "How do we get down?"

            Sora was entering his password to 'The World', when he heard a yell.

            "TSUKASA, TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!" yelled Mimiru from downstairs. _Tsukasa? _Sora thought. _Of course! There's Subaru, Tsukasa, and the other one must be Mimiru! Well, this is more than babysitter torture. This is—**REVENGE**!_

            "Ow!" cried Mimiru as Tsukasa and Subaru landed on top of her. Maybe chewing through the rope wasn't the best idea.

            "Sorry," muttered Tsukasa. The two got off Mimiru, and they decided what to do. 

            "How about… Mimiru, you try to trap him in his room, Tsukasa, you can grab him, and I'll wait downstairs to catch him if he escapes," said Subaru. 

            "How come _you_ get to make the plan?" whined Mimiru. 

            "Because when you made the plan, it ended in a car accident!" Subaru replied. 

            Before another fight could start, Tsukasa said, "Good plan! Let's go!" And they went off to trap the evil kid. They had made it to the bottom of the stairs when they heard Sora yell, "Suckers!" and saw him pull a lever. A large steel cage dropped over them. 

            "Betrayed again!" yelled Mimiru.

            "We can't chew through this!" said Tsukasa.

            "This means war…" growled Subaru.

To be continued…


	3. Eat Your Vegetables

Babysitting The Player Killer

By Dr@gon Princess

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Still don't own anything, sadly, but thanks for the reviews! The chapter title really has nothing to do with anything… I hope this chapter isn't _too _bad. It's pretty short. Next chapter will be longer, I promise! Review! Review! Review! Please? 

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3. Eat Your Vegetables!

            "Let's get back at Sora!" yelled Mimiru. 

            "Let's get out of this cage!" replied Subaru. Fortunately, Tsukasa was thin enough to slip between the bars. Unfortunately, Tsukasa was grabbed by Sora, who apparently wanted to bake him in the oven. 

            "I died in 'The World' because of you!" complained Sora. "I lost six hours of saved data because of you! I missed "The Violence Show" because of you! I'm going to make you suffer!" Soon, Sora realized that Tsukasa could not fit into the oven. Or the garbage disposal. Or the freezer. Or the microwave. Subaru and Mimiru didn't notice any of this going on, because they were still fighting. 

            "Tsukasa's mine!" yelled Subaru.

            "Tsukasa's MINE!" yelled Mimiru. 

            "No, you're wrong!" yelled Subaru.

            "Um, didn't they just have this fight?" asked a confused Sora. 

            "This is the 47th time they had this fight today," said Tsukasa. "The 5889th time this month, the 769, 382nd time this year, and the…"

            "Okay, okay," said Sora. "So they have this fight a lot?" 

            "Do you want me to repeat the numbers?" asked Tsukasa.

            "No!" said Sora. "I get the picture!"

            "After 769, 382 fights this year," said Tsukasa, "so do I…"

            "Why don't you just pick one?" asked Sora. "Never mind, just take three steps to the right."

            "No way!" said Tsukasa. "I'll probably get caught in some kind of death trap!" Tsukasa stayed put.

            "Okay then," said Sora, and flipped a switch. The floor underneath dropped out, and Tsukasa fell through. If he had taken three steps to the right, he wouldn't have fallen. 

            "Tsukasa?" said Subaru. She and Mimiru had stopped fighting long enough to catch their breath, and during that pause, had noticed that Tsukasa was gone. "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY TSUKASA?"

            "Hey!" said Mimiru. "MY Tsukasa!"

            "Ah, shut up," said Subaru. "Tsukasa left me all alone! What did I do wrong?"

            "Oh, brother," muttered Mimiru. "Wait, Tsukasa left me, too! I also must have screwed up…"

            "Let's find Tsukasa!" said Subaru. She and Mimiru charged off… straight into the wall of the steel cage. 

            "I don't think we should have done that," said Mimiru. 

            "Hey," said Subaru. "It wasn't THAT bad of an idea. We DID knock over the cage." Subaru was right. They could now get out! Ignoring the murderous kid and the obvious hole in the floor, they started looking for Tsukasa. 

            "I'm hungry!" said Sora. The girls ignored him. "Feed me!" he said. Still no response. "I bet Tsukasa's really suffering."

            "WHAT?!?" yelled Mimiru and Subaru.

            "I'm just saying, cook me dinner and maybe I'll let Tsukasa live a little longer."

            "You're tricking us, aren't you?" asked Mimiru. 

            "Nope," replied Sora. "I don't know how to cook and we're out of TV dinners."

            "I'm not going to cook for someone who kidnapped Tsukasa!" yelled Subaru. 

            "Did I mention that whoever can cook the best dish gets to be alone with Tsukasa?" said Sora. 

            "Okay!" said the girls in unison.

            Tsukasa hit the ground in a cold cell. A TV screen flickered.

            "Welcome to the Chibi Channel! All caring and sharing, all the time!" Tsukasa tried to turn the TV off. It didn't work. Tsukasa threw things at the TV. Nothing happened. At this rate, Tsukasa would be dead in minutes. 

            "My cooking is better!" said Mimiru.

            "No! My cooking is more nutritious!" replied Subaru.

            "Sora doesn't care about that!" said Mimiru. "I'm going to win!"

            "I'll win!" said Subaru. "Tsukasa is mine!"

            "No way!" said Mimiru. "Should I keep my maiden name, or go by Mrs. Tsukasa?" Sora watched the competition break into a fight. He remembered that it was the 48th one that day. When Mimiru and Subaru weren't looking, he slipped poison into their cooking. It would really be a shame to kill them before their fight count reached 50. He left them and went back to playing 'The World'.

            Bang. Tsukasa's head hit the wall. Chibi TV was so horrible, Tsukasa figured that heavy brain damage might make it less deadly. Tsukasa saw a fuse box. Maybe turning off the power would make the horrid show go away. Currently, a song about the Power of Friendship was playing. Ick. 

            Tsukasa turned off the power. The evil music went away. The horrid images of caring and sharing also went away. Now all Tsukasa had to worry about was getting out of that place.

            "Oh my god, there's a hole in the floor!" said Mimiru. 

            "Tsukasa!" cried Subaru, and helped Tsukasa out.

            "Wow, what a convenient time for her to notice that," said Tsukasa, glaring at the authoress. Hey, be happy you get any sort of plot at all. 

            "Poor Sora can't play 'The World' now," said Mimiru.

            "He tried to kill me with little kid shows!" said Tsukasa. "Let's shut him in his room!"

            "I'll go push a couch in front of his door," said Mimiru, and ran off. 

            "Tsukasa, I was so worried!" said Subaru when Mimiru was gone. 

            "I thought I would never see you again!" said Tsukasa. "I'm so glad you saved me!"

            "Let's never part!" said Subaru. The two leaned in towards each other, and shared a deep look. 

            "HI!!!" yelled Mimiru, blissfully unaware that she was interrupting anything. "The phone's still working, let's order a pizza!" Tsukasa and Mimiru sighed. The moment was completely gone. 

            Upstairs, Sora was very angry. He had lost more saved data! He couldn't even get out of his room. And when violent people are very angry, they do mean things. Sora reached for one of those can-and-string phone lines (I have no idea why he has one in whatever time .hack takes place in) and talked into it. 

            "I need help," he said. "These babysitters won't die!"

To be continued…


	4. No Friends Over!

Babysitting the Player Killer

By Dr@gon Princess

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I'm back. Yay. I seriously would not go away forever mid-fic, and I have another one planned out after this. I'm really sorry that I took so damn long to update. First my computer got infected by some virus (all of D.P.'s files were deleted), then, once I got it back, I went to the KH section because nobody had warned me about it, and I was traumatized. Do I need to say any more? Oh, Sora did not die. If you played Outbreak, then you know he got saved or whatever. Well, here's chapter 4, hope you like it…

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4. No Friends Over!

            Tsukasa sat on the couch, bored. It had been an hour, and the pizza had not come. Although, since Mimiru had been in charge of calling the pizza place, Tsukasa was not sure the pizza had ever been ordered. They had all forgotten about their own cooking, which was just as well, because, if you remember, that cooking had been poisoned.  Unfortunately, Mimiru had a very short attention span, and was now trying to convince the others to play Truth or Dare.

            "Truth or Dare?" asked Mimiru.

            "For the last time," said Subaru, "We are _NOT _playing Truth or Dare!"

            "Marco Polo?" asked Mimiru.

            "WHAT?" yelled Subaru. She was clearly pissed off that the pizza hadn't come yet, and was taking it out on Mimiru. Subaru is evil when she's hungry. "We aren't even at a pool! That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, even worse than Truth or Dare!"

            "Yay!" said Mimiru happily. "You wanna play Truth or Dare with me!"

            "I. DO. NOT. WANNA. PLAY. TRUTH OR DARE!" shouted Subaru. Before she could kill Mimiru, the doorbell rang, and all three babysitters ran to answer it. 

            "It's the pizza guy!" said Mimiru. She opened up the door, and a herd of 9, 10, and 11-year-olds stampeded in. 

            "Party at Sora's!" yelled the kids. Unfortunately, they stampede over the sitters, so that Tsukasa, Mimiru, and Subaru were carried along with the crowd into the living room. 

            "Break stuff!" yelled a kid. 

            "No, don't break stuff!" said Tsukasa. The kids ignored what Tsukasa had said, and now were breaking stuff on Tsukasa's head. 

            "Aren't you a little too old for this party?" asked another kid.

            "I'm a child at heart!" said Mimiru. "I mean, there is no party! We're the babysitters, and Sora can't have any friends over! Who even invited you?" 

            "She invited us," said the kid. "And if she invited us, then it must be okay with Sora." The kid went back to breaking stuff.

            "Who's 'she'?" Tsukasa asked Subaru.

            "I don't know," she replied, "but maybe it's that girl standing on the table over there." A girl of about 9 was trying to get everyone's attention by standing on an expensive table and screaming.

            "People, people!" she yelled. "This is a kill-the-babysitter party, not a break-Sora's-stuff-party! He called me because he needs us to free him! First, go upstairs and let Sora out, then he can come up with a complicated-like plan, and we can spill babysitter blood!" The kids cheered. 

            "What's her name?" Mimiru asked a kid. "I think I know her from somewhere…"

            "Nobody knows her name," replied the kid. "I don't know if she even HAS a name. She goes by her student ID number… hey, Sora's here!' And Sora WAS there, ready to kick off the kill-the-babysitter party with an evil plan. A very simple evil plan. 

            "Kill the babysitter! And break stuff!" Sora yelled. 

            "But honey," said the girl. "It's not a break-Sora's-stuff party!"

*GASP*

"HONEY?" said Tsukasa. "Sora has a GIRLFRIEND!" Tsukasa, Subaru, and Mimiru started laughing. They had forgotten that they were surrounded by evil, bloodthirsty chibis. 

            "What did we discuss about calling me that in public? What if I told everybody your real name, A20?"

*GASP 2.0*

            "A20 and Sora? This is better than I thought!" said Tsukasa.

            "Blackmail material!" cackled Subaru, smiling evilly.

            "None of you are getting out of here alive," said Sora. "What use will blackmail material be when you're dead?"

            "A20, it's me, Mimiru!" said Mimiru. "Don't kill me! Kill Subaru instead!"

            "Sora, we're not killing Mimiru," said A20. 

            "Oh, fine," said Sora. "But the other two die! Attack!" 

            "Run!" yelled Mimiru, and ran. She didn't really have to run, because she was the only one safe from chibi attack. But she ran anyway, and dammit, it felt good. She made it into the laundry room, and then realized that the other two were gone, maybe because they were being attacked by VICIOUS CHIBIS! Screams of pain came from outside. Suddenly, Subaru burst in, looking like a large chicken. (try saying that ten times!)

            "They tar-and-feathered me!" Subaru yelled, flapping her wings, I mean, raising her arms. "But…"

            "They got my Tsukasa?" Mimiru asked sadly. 

            "MY Tsukasa!" yelled Subaru. 

            "NO!" screamed Mimiru, which did nothing but let the chibis know where they were. 

            "Tsukasa…" said Subaru. There was no point in her saying Tsukasa's name, but she did, anyway. 

            "Did you notice how something bad always happens when we get separated?" Mimiru asked. "First, it was lots of angst, then, it was those copies of us, then, the Chibi Channel, and now, Tsukasa is gone…"

            "It's your fault Tsukasa was taken from us!" yelled Subaru.

            "No, it's your fault!" replied Mimiru. 

Up in Sora's room, where Sora was trying to fix the electricity (and getting semi-fried in the process), he took out a little flag, and waved it. "Happy 50th fight, Subaru and Mimiru," he muttered. He wondered how the battle downstairs was going.

"No! Don't kill me!" Tsukasa yelled, helplessly. _Why am I always getting captured/attacked/unable to log out? _she wondered. A20 had Tsukasa trapped helplessly in the living room, and was holding a scary-looking weapon above Tsukasa's face.

"This is how it has to be!" A20 replied. Tsukasa whimpered. "Somebody has to pay for me being called a n00b!" And with that, A20 attacked Tsukasa. The Fanfic Camera turned toward their shadows as A20's attack met Tsukasa, again and again and again.

Back with Subaru and Mimiru, the two of them were still arguing. The chibis had arrived, and were trying to take over the laundry room. Mimiru and Subaru were fending them off with brooms and mops, and fighting with each other between attacks. It went like this:

"You loser," said Subaru. "I (whack) can't believe (smash) you're my friend!" 

"Oh yeah?" said Mimiru. "Well, you (splat) would make a horrible (smack) Mrs. Tsukasa!" Suddenly, A20 pushed in what was left of Tsukasa.

"Tsukasa!" said Mimiru. 

"You're…" began Subaru.

"A GIRL!" they finished together. Tsukasa was wearing a flowery dress, pigtails, and an inch-thick coat of makeup.

"That witch gave me a makeover!" yelled Tsukasa, pointing at a smiling A20. (Why, what did you think had happened?)

"Aw, don't worry," said Subaru. "Let's go to the kitchen and wash off all of that makeup." Subaru's arm around Tsukasa, they left together for the kitchen. A20 followed them. 

Mimiru sighed. She was all alone, fighting chibis with a mop. And Saturdays usually ended with her watching TV at home. A20 ran back in, screaming. 

"MIMIRU! THEY'RE KILLING EACH OTHER!" she screamed. "They were in the kitchen and they started saying things and now they're killing each other!" Mimiru grabbed A20's arm and ran to the kitchen (half-dragging A20). When she got there, her jaw dropped. She could not believe what she saw…

To be continued…     


	5. Bedtime at 8:30

Babysitting the Player Killer

By Dr@gon Princess

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Hello! I'm in a crappy mood because my friends are fighting and demanding request drawings, but oh well. Remember that cliffhanger at the end of Chapter 4? I bet everyone over 12 was able to figure out what happened. This isn't the last chapter, but there will be one more after this. I had it planned out like this from the start… Hope this chapter doesn't suck!

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5. Bedtime at 8:30!

            Mimiru's jaw dropped open at what she saw.

            "They're killing each other!" A20 yelled. She ran around in circles, panicking and waving her arms. "They're eating each others faces!"

            Subaru and Tsukasa stopped kissing long enough to realize that Mimiru just MIGHT have caught them.

            "Tsukasa… uh…" Subaru stuttered.

            "I had some food on my mouth," said Tsukasa quickly. "Subaru was just getting the food off my mouth!" 

            "Do you realize how stupid that sounded?" Subaru said, and then added, "baby."

            "You called me baby!" said Tsukasa, blushing. "Does that mean you want to be my… girlfriend?"

            "Do you want me to?" asked Subaru.

            "YES!" Tsukasa said. They hugged. (Okay, I'll stop with the corny romance!) Mimiru just stared at them. 

            "If Tsukasa had food on her mouth," Mimiru started, "… YOU GOT A SNACK WITHOUT ME?" Mimiru thought for a second. "Wait… who uses their mouth to get food off of someone's face?"

            "Uh, Mimiru?" said A20. "They were trying to kill each other! They were trying to eat each other's faces! Unless they were doing that kissing thing that Sora showed me…" A20 left, perhaps to think it over, but more likely to party and break her boyfriend's possessions. 

            "I'll forgive you for getting a snack without me," said Mimiru. Tsukasa and Subaru breathed a sigh of relief. 

            "We need to stop these chibis," said Tsukasa. 

            "And get them out of the house," said Subaru. "They're having a break-Sora's-stuff party!" Just then, Mimiru decided that a random comment might help.

            "My parents had a party once!" she said randomly. "But, it was an educational TV party, so nobody showed up."

            "Wow, that's got to be the most helpful random sentence ever," said Tsukasa.

            "WE'RE SHOWING A DOCUMENTARY!" yelled Subaru. 

            "CHOCK FULL O' EDUCATION!" added Mimiru. Suddenly, the screams of chibis were heard as the kids ran out the door. Some of the stupider ones ran full-speed into the wall, but they got back up and ran outside. "They don't like documentaries?" said Mimiru sadly. Another chibi voice came from upstairs.

            "I'll stay with you! I am a loyal girlfriend!" Great. A20 wasn't as easy to get rid of as the sitters had thought. 

            "I'll go after Sora," said Tsukasa. "You can distract A20, Mimiru. Honey, you can help me capture Sora."

            "But you just told me to distract A20!" said Mimiru, thinking Tsukasa meant HER when Tsukasa said 'honey'. 

            "SUBARU, you can help me capture Sora," said an annoyed Tsukasa. It wasn't Tsukasa's fault that Mimiru was oblivious to just about everything. 

They had come to follow the plan without hurting themselves. Don't ask me how.

            "Hey, A20!" said Mimiru.

            "What?" asked the perky chibi.

            "Let's hang out conveniently away from the others!" replied Mimiru. 

            "Okay!" said A20. Apparently, Mimiru wasn't the only oblivious one.  A20 and Mimiru stepped aside as Sora ran by chasing Tsukasa. Maybe the plan wasn't going so well after all… "So what do you want to talk about?"

            "Uh, how's your love life?" asked Mimiru, even though 9-year-olds don't have love lives.

            "Great!" said A20. "So, are you going out with that Tsukasa person?"

            "I don't know," said Mimiru. "Tsukasa and Subaru went for a snack without me."

            "It kinda looked like they were kissing," said A20. Something went off in Mimiru's head, and suddenly, she knew what was going on. 

            "Oh my god, they're in love with each other!" said Mimiru. "Not just teenage fling love! True love! Soul-mate love! Share-the-paopu-fruit-and-live-happily-ever-after love!"

            "Let's get revenge!" said A20.

            "YEAH!" replied Mimiru, stars in her eyes. "First, we're going to put some tacks on the floor! Tsukasa will step on them, and Subaru's chair will get a flat tire!"

            "Then, Tsukasa is going to have to carry her around, and Tsukasa's back is gonna break!" A20 said.

            "Which will make a catapult pop up and throw them into…"

            "One of those electric shocky things! I can have Sora build it for you!

            The minutes ticked by.

            Subaru came out of Sora's room, just as Sora chased Tsukasa in. Subaru was pushed back in, and Sora shut the door.

            "I've tortured you all day, but now, I'm finally going to kill you!" said Sora, and laughed evilly. "That's what Player Killers do, you know? Here's my new death machine." He pointed to a very complicated machine that looked sharp, painful, and/or deadly. It was also very hideous.

            "You're going to put us in that… thing?" asked Tsukasa.

            "You like it? It was based off of one of A20's revenge schemes against the guy that sent her a hate mail," Sora explained.

            "Wait!" said Subaru. "You can't put us in that machine yet!"

            "There's a perfectly good axe inside!" said Tsukasa. "Do you really want it to get all bloody?"

            "Really?" asked Sora. "Thanks! I'll make your deaths extra painful since you helped me out!" He reached into the death machine and…

            … pulled his hand out just before Subaru turned on the death machine. "Hey!" Sora yelled.

            "I'm sorry," sad Subaru, leaning towards Sora. He took a step back, into the center of a circle of rope. Tsukasa pulled the cord, and Sora went flying into the air, suspended by one leg from the ceiling. 

            "Dammit!" said Sora. "Put me down, now!"

            "Okay!" said Tsukasa, and she dropped the rope. Sora fell to the floor with a thud. 

            "Ow!" said Sora. He said some other words, too (probably ones with four letters), but they were drowned out by the cage that he  had dropped on the sitters, which was now falling over him.

            "Hey Sora!" said Tsukasa. "Take three steps to the right!"

            "Okay," said Sora. "You… win. I'll go to bed now."

            "I'm glad you see it our way," said Tsukasa. "Subaru, good job on the traps."

            "But I'm not brushing my teeth!" said Sora angrily. Subaru and Tsukasa left the room, knowing that Sora wouldn't try any more stunts. After all, he was faced with the Chibi Channel!"

            Mimiru and A20 were still plotting revenge on Tsukasa and Subaru when the two walked by.

            "And then," said A20, "Subaru's Pantene Pro-V hair will fall out!"

            "And Tsukasa won't love her anymore! And then Tsukasa's hair…" Mimiru suddenly noticed that they were right behind her.

            "Hey, Mimiru!" said Subaru.

            "Good job distracting A20!" said Tsukasa.          

            "What's going on?" asked A20.

            "Nothing," said Subaru. "Go home."

            "No!" said A20. "Wait, what where we talking about? I'm tired, I'm going home." And A20 ran home, probably to tell her stuffed animals about the great adventure she had.

            "Well, that's over with," said Mimiru.

            "Uh, no, it isn't," said Tsukasa.

            "Not more chibis!" screamed Mimiru.

            "Nope," said Tsukasa. "Worse. Clean up." Mimiru, Tsukasa, and Subaru looked around at the mess made by hundreds of chibis getting their party on in a big house. 

            "Let's get started," said Subaru.

To be continued…


	6. Still Can't Get a Job

Babysitting the Player Killer

By Dr@gon Princess

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Happy Birthday, me! Well, this is it, the last chapter… Actually, it's more of an epilogue. I hope it doesn't seem like I'm cutting this fic short. It was supposed to only have four chapters and it ended up with six. I should thank people and stuff now, right? I've never finished a fanfic before… Okay, thank you reviewers (especially Darkbloodtwist, who reviewed almost every chapter, maybe even every chapter, and didn't flame), thank you real-life friends, thank you Project dot-Hack. Okay, this is getting sappy. One final note: Tsukasa/Subaru Forever!

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6. Still Can't Get a Job

            "Wow," said Mimiru, looking around the now-clean house.

            "How?" said Tsukasa, wondering how the power could be back on AND the house could now be clean, after an evil 10-yr-old and his clueless girlfriend, several traps, and a break-Sora's-stuff party. Only in fanfiction, Tsukasa. Only in fanfiction.

            "Ow…" said Subaru, because, out of jealousy, Mimiru had unsuccessfully tried to use her as a sponge.

            "Well, we finally got this room cleaned," said Tsukasa. "That means…"

            "PAYDAY!" yelled Mimiru. "We get money!" The doorbell rang. Sora's parents were home.

            "Oh, how is my darling little angel?" Sora's mom asked as Tsukasa let her in. Subaru almost gagged at this. DARLING LITTLE ANGEL? If only Sora's mom knew what they had been through.

            "Fine," said Subaru, trying very hard to keep a straight face. "Just fine."

            "He didn't give you a hard time, did he?" asked Sora's mom. Before the three could answer and tell her just how evil her darling little angel really was, she continued to talk. "Oh, I should pay you now," she said. "You're the first babysitters to ever survive to get paid." Sora's mom began to fish around in her purse for money.

            "I can imagine," said Tsukasa, under her breath.

            "Here's your pay," Sora's mother said, and held out… 

            … a quarter.

            "A quarter?" asked Mimiru, shocked.

            "I know!" replied Sora's mom. "My wonderful son told me that 25 cents a night is a very good babysitting rate these days!" 

            "A QUARTER?" yelled Mimiru, shocked.

            "We'll be leaving now," said Tsukasa, pulling her friends out the door. If Mimiru got angry at Sora's mother, she might lose their hard-earned quarter. "Thank you very much…"

            Sora listened to the whole scene from his room. 25 cents a night was a good rate? God, his mother was more gullible than he had thought. He looked out of his window and saw the three arguing outside.

            "You should have let me at her!" yelled Mimiru.

            "Well, you would have lost us our job!" yelled Subaru. "Then you'd be stupid _and_ unemployed!"

            "I'm not going back there!" said Tsukasa. "I quit!"

            "What?" Mimiru replied. "But we earned a whole quarter! Which is mine, by the way, because I distracted A20."

            "No way!" said Tsukasa. "It's mine! I went through the most suffering! Plus, I need money to pay for my date with Subaru tomorrow!"

            "You're dating her?" screamed Mimiru.

            "But I want the money! I set up the traps!" said Subaru.

            "But, honey, the date would be for you!" protested Tsukasa. "My money!"

            "You're dating her?" screamed Mimiru again, at full volume this time.

            As the argument turned louder, Sora smiled. Maybe he didn't completely lose after all. 

            And Fight #52 had to be some kind of record.

~END

Tsukasa and Subaru started to date, and Mimiru continued fighting for Tsukasa (and losing). On a related note, Dr@gon Princess continued to be a T/S author. 

The three friends never went back to Sora's house to babysit, for fear of their lives. In fact, that night was the one and only time they ever babysat. They did, however, try an assortment of other dangerous and humiliating jobs, such as costumed character, plumber, authoress, and contestant on a reality TV show. 

Sora and A20 went to Disney World to celebrate their victory. It was a life changing experience for A20, whose new goal is to be a Disney Princess. Sora's new goal was to get the hell out of that evil place. A20's given name is still a mystery.

Tsukasa, Mimiru, and Subaru have a new record of 55 fights in one day.


End file.
